Unfolding

the meaning of
LIFE and DEATH,
as I embrace them both, equally.

Learning to live with death.

This is my journey

At the age of 19, I signed a consent form of euthanasia for my best friend; at 21, I adopted a nine-year-old abandoned child with heart disease and spent the next 8 years with her as she walked through her last days; at 23, I became a hospice volunteer and saw off more than 150 patients. This year, at the age of 34, I am entering another phase of my life... I still have many wishes waiting to be fulfilled, so please, if you have time, listen to my story.

" Accepting

the laws of nature - accepting

that this is where life ends -

a compulsory course

waiting for everyone to learn. " - Celine

My final letter to all :

To anyone who is reading this letter,

Good to see you all! May we all read this letter with joy, at least I will.

Where and how should I start? This is too long a story.

After years of being interviewed by the media, I often feel that I am more like a commodity for the media, who convey their understanding to the audience and you mistakenly believe it to be true.

Those stories which seem to be heavy, sad, and regretful in others' eyes have become my "label", but I can't lose them. Then again, all my teachings, speeches, value systems, and feelings, can't be separated from them; accepting them is a means of cost minimization.

Nevertheless, this time, I wanted to tell the story myself.

The scheduling and releasing of online courses are speeding up one by one, yes, maybe you have already noticed, that I am fighting against time.

In 2012, when I was taking a psychopathic child out for a medical appointment, her symptoms suddenly aggravated and led to unpredictable physical behaviours. When I was chasing her, I was hit by a car, and since then suffered from a severe brain injury. Due to various reasons and my sequelae, I was diagnosed with a brain tumor last October.

Nonetheless, I do not intend to let anyone taking on any responsibility regarding this matter. This occupation is full of risks, when I signed up for it, I should be ready to face any consequence and responsibility that are on the way.

The world has never promised anyone a joyful journey on earth, thus one should learn to accept that pain and suffering are equivalently ordinary parts of life. Emotions are acceptable, but soon enough one learns to adapt.

There are times when I am jealous of my students: they can grow by reading, studying, taking classes about death - what a blessing! If one can really manage one's life in such a cost-minimized way, who really wants to gain wisdom at the cost of pain?

It's just that I've lost that right since I was 19, so I learned to accept it.

Certainly, the above is not the point of this letter. I also plan to not discuss too much about things involving my conditions after today.

What I really want to tell is another matter:

My Last Bucket List

I am on hold of three precious documentations that I have recorded throughout the years:

ONE

I have personally seen off about 150 people, my time accompanying them spans from 3 months to 5 years, but I managed to be with every one of them during their last minutes. Some of them were abandoned babies, some were AIDS(mother-to-child) children, some were people who died because of failed organ donation (rejection or donor regrets), some were young patients, some were the elderly…

My file has detailedly listed valuable first-hand information, including conditions like below:

How they described their illness to me when we first met.
The last words they said before they passed out.
Their state at the moment of their borrowed time.
The appearance of their face at the moment when they stopped breathing.
How long it took for their loved ones to get through the grieving period and what they did

...

These easily overlooked details are in fact most crucial in discovering the truths about death, and they have reference value for our future hospice care development.

If I do not have the opportunity to participate in such a future, I hope to solemnly and sincerely place it in the hands of aspiring and intelligent healthcare providers, who are capable of bringing it to its fullest potential and value.

TWO

From each of my patients, I have kept a personal token (either given to me or kept by me as a memento) - a token that represents our friendship, their attachment to the world, and the "evidence" they wanted to convey to the world about their learned reality of death. I had hoped to make it a "museum of death memories"; by showing the lives of patients who have already left, to warn those who are still in time, to avoid the same regrets.

THREE

I have another file of documentation. I spent four years studying all available cases, including social news, official data/ reports, and all reachable real patients, to comprehensively explore the reasons for the "early age of cancer".

Now we've reached the final purpose of this letter - to find the most suitable person to receive it.

As for me, I don't want too much attention, I've lived my life.

This is my final bucket list. It's an account of the first half of my life, which has not been easy; but also it's not all about me.

Finally, I hope that you who read this, do not have to feel sorry for me; in my heart, death is a small thing, living in the present is the big thing. Life and death are in equal positions to me.

If you agree with me at some level, try to be happy, try to accept everything sincerely.

Farewell, and good living.

Celine's

Death Awareness

Workshop

past courses

DAW Knowledge 101: What Is a Living Will?

The terms "living will," "health care directive," and "advance directive" all refer to the legal document that lets people state their wishes for end-of-life medical care.